And I Think I Could Have Loved Him
by endless.conflict
Summary: The feathers were finally returned to their rightful owner, but in the end, the Princess never did remember him. Syaoran glances back to his life at Clow one last time, before he seals his tragic fate to Yuuko, who grants him one wish.. At a tragic price.


It was late afternoon and the bright, red sun had slowly begun to set over the golden sand dunes in the desert, not far from the country of Clow. Its rays of dying light shimmered reflectively off of the tips of those familiar undug ruins, the ones he never did quite have the chance to finish--Or really, start for that matter. They were uncovered a lot more than he had last remembered, but despite the other archaeologist's efforts, still very much buried. Not as if he even had the desire to continue his research to those ruins... In fact, it was one of the last places he would ever want to revisit, if ever. The daze in his eyes were dull in comparison to the evacuation site, face flushed from any sign of curious passion, like it might have radiated obviously some long time ago, before his life had taken a sudden, dramatic twist.

Syaoran Li sat quietly atop a barren hill, just west of the friendly town; the town that had loved their young Princess very much--Her name was Sakura. He loved her, too. Still did, and probably always would. He imagined her down there, right now within the village; sneakily making her way to the small place he called his 'home'. She would gently knock first, and after a moments pause, she'd take it upon herself to enter. Emerald hues would scan the room and the girl would wonder why her childhood friend was not there. The Princess would grow disappointed, lonely... Glance at the frame on his desk that held the image of himself and his Father, wondering if he was still over at the ruins, working. It would take more non-permissioned time and effort, but she'd hurry across the desert and bring them a snack, or two to share. They'd sit, and he'd tell her all about the new things he'd discovered inside the evacuation site, just ecstatic that he could see her if just for an hour.

"... Sakura-hime! I found this secret room somewhere...passed the underground tunnels." Syaoran would say.

She would reply, oblivious to any risk of danger the travel could possibly cause. "Really? I'd like to see it!" Instead, she'd grip his hand firmly, but in that gentle way she always carried within herself, eyes shining with eager fascination.

"A-ah! But, Hime..." He'd doubtfully begin, slightly startled at her anxiousness.

She'd frown, pointing a finger to him like a scolding mother. "It's Sakura! Sa-ku-ra."

"Yes, Hi--...S-Sakura." Blushing and giving in, he'd address her that way for the time being, but shortly after he'd continue with the habitual formal talk. That talk was most necessary in front of those of royalty--Syaoran knew that much. That's how it would normally continue, how the routine always worked. Besides, being formal was the only thing he had that he could offer to her. It wasn't much, he sure as hell knew that; but it was something, and he'd give it to her. The days always seemed routined, always seemed the way they were supposed to have been, if not more. If it weren't for that day, though...

_ 'That misfit day..._

Syaoran could begin to feel the stiffness of his legs, his bottom growing highly uncomfortable on the rounded surface of the hill. However, he continued to sit there as he did hours before, silently gazing down into the town he was gratefully raised in, not a single complaint worn on his face. Besides, how could he complain? To him, he had lived with privileges that most people of his hierarchy shouldn't even dream of. Syaoran was a commoner. Sakura was a Princess. The two never added up, and they never could. This was fact...

"Father..." He would begin to say, "It was wrong of me to feel that way--To feel this way about the Princess, wasn't it...?"

There would be silence, and the boy would sigh, stiffly raising his knees upward, resting his head inside the nest of arms he created for himself. He'd sit there for hours, just staring. Staring down at the only place he knew, the place that held all of his memories... And maybe that's why he had sat way up on the hill, alone, until the sun had finally went away, and the darkness of the evening began creeping it's way across the sky.

_ 'Sakura would be on her way home by now',_ he thought. Returning back home to the safety of the palace, where she belonged. Spending time with King Tooya, and Priest Yuukito, and all the fine luxuries that would never amount to how great she really was...

_ ' ... This is my entire fault,'_ he would say, eyebrows knitting with frustration towards the conflict he continued to fight with inside himself. "I forced myself in a relationship that shouldn't have happened... And because of it... I never really did get a chance to make her happy, the way I gave my life to see it through." A few lit torches could be seen in the distance, lighting up the homes of the happy villagers down below. The palace lit up moments later, the light brighter than all of the little huts of homes put together. It was amazing, how everyone was in synch with each other, how they were all like one big family of some sort. And probably the only hut that would remain unlit tonight, would be his.

A low rumbling erupted from above, drops of rain falling silently downward. Syaoran glanced upward into the sky blankly, which had dragged several clouds his way when he hadn't been paying attention to reality, or maybe when he had been paying too much attention. He squinted his hazel eyes when the water hit his face, before averting his attention back below, though he was staring beyond what was there. He saw that day..._ That_ day, when the rain had felt just as merciless.

And it seemed that the rain would always fall down on him, as it did when the kid had first arrived before the Dimension Witch, when they all arrived in her enigmatic presence; Kurogane-san, Fai-san, even Mokona who was shortly introduced before the long departure. It was that very day when Syaoran had sacrificed his fond childhood; the most precious part of what completed Sakura's memory, to save her life. During those alarmed moments of unsettling shock and worry, he never once dare think about the consequences; what he would feel, what he wouldn't feel, and most importantly what he could never get back. The only thing the naive child could think was 'with all mercy from the Gods, please... do not let her... die..!' everything else he could endure, just as long as she continued to live.

_'I don't remember if I cried... or if it was the rain that blurred my vision; If the weather that day was the reason why I felt cold, or if it was the Sakura's.. Dying body.'_

And to think they would even end up back at that world, was truly amazing... That they stood in that precise spot as they first did [possibly years ago, and know that the Princess was alive today, with all of her agreed memories back where they belong. And yet... This celebration of accomplishment only brought Syaoran an unbearable amount of sadness.

_'Out of all the memories, my Princess... I couldn't get back...all of them...'_ Releasing a painful breath, he tucked his face inside his guarding arms, the rain washing over everything. "... Forgive me..."

It's still all a very clear memory... While Mokona returned to its mysterious owner, and Kurogane-san quarreled with Fai-san on the side-lines, it all still seemed very far away... There they had ended up, standing before this powerful witch, being acknowledged, thanking her...

"And I'm not entirely sure what's come to happen..." Syaoran whispered against the growing 'shhhhh' of the falling rain.

"And now that you've returned these girls' memories, she can return back to the country of Clow, to fulfill her rightful duties." The witches red eyes dully glanced to each of their faces; Fai-san smiling that distant, falsified smile, Kurogane-san serious and silent, Mokona 'puu-ing' in low murrs atop it's creator's shoulder. Sakura turned to look at her hero, and all eyes followed towards the protagonist of the story, who was pained and broken of anything left to give. But still, he looked to them for the slightest moment and smiled. It was a sorrowful, sad smile...but it was something he wanted to give, even if it did absolutely nothing for himself.

_ 'As long as she was...happy...'_

Whatever happened to the Ninja and the Mage were unknown beyond that day. When it was time for the dimension travelers to all to go their separate ways, Fai only offered that familiar smile and Kurogane just stared; a long, knowing stare, as if everything on the kid's mind were obvious. "It was nice traveling with you... Syaoran-kun." The mage gave a nod and a childish ruffle to the brunette's head before moving away towards the Princess while the stronger male stepped up to him. Kurogane grunted, red hues piercing down intensely to the younger, as an instructor would towards his apprentice. They stood there for a few long moments, until the raven-haired swordsman placed a heavy hand atop the opposing shoulder. "... Don't think it's too late. It's only over...when it's over." All Syaoran could do was nod, trying to imitate the stare that the older male had given. It was perfectly clear what he was saying: As long as he was alive, there was still a way. But, at this point, what was left to gain..? "Take care, kid." And Kurogane was already over towards the wizard again, when Sakura approached.

"..Syaoran-_kun_..." She smiled. He remembered her smile that day. It was sincere in its ways, but there was something...not right about it. It was an awkward smile, the one given to a situation that proved unpleasant, a smile given to...a _stranger_. And if that wasn't the reason why this particular smile had stuck out as much as it did, it was probably because it was the last he had ever saw of that smile--Of any smile, false or not. "..Princess..," he began, "I wish you well...once you return to Clow..." Lowering his head in respect, he smiled at the harsh tugging of his drunken heart, straining to keep the tears within his lids. He closed them, wishing how much he'd give if only she would scold him like she used to, to tell him, _"It's Sa-ku-ra! Sakura!"_ If only he could have that one chance to hear her call him just... _'Syaoran'_, with that gentle, loving voice--

"..Thank you."

His lids re-opened; surprised, chocolate pupils widening at her hand--their hands touching just barely at the fingertips, as her body turned slightly away. Her 'thanks' lingered in the air until he was ready to let them go, her touch already gone. There she was, Princess Sakura...walking away from him and moving towards Yuuko. His pathetic, gloved hand was still extended in front of him--Empty. In a creeping shock, his thin lips parted, though words would not form in his throat. Had their goodbye happened so...fast? Was that...it? After all they went through...

"..."

Eventually, it was time. "And now, it's time to send you all on your way." Another glance was averted to them all as they stood, grouped before the witch. "..Especially you, Syaoran... And Sakura." When her eyes landed to the archaeologist, they narrowed with a hidden message, a silent message that even stirred her pale, indifferent face momentarily. He nodded, flickering his view elsewhere, already remembering the deal he made with her after everyone had arrived back to her Japan. "Is there anything else that needs to be said, then?" The long black hair slithered a little against her back as a small, chilled breeze passed them by. Everyone remained silent, and closing her eyes, she gave a nod, holding out her palm that Mokona gladly bounced upon, even if the goodbyes were sad. A small tear rested on his puffed cheek. "Ooookay!"

The pork buns mouth grew, and grew until it was expanded wide enough to swallow a house, maybe something bigger. The sudden gusts of wind made it difficult to stand, but Fai and Kurogane stepped to the side, giving their last words of 'farewells'. Sakura respectfully waved to them, but Syaoran only gave a small glance, and at the last minute, a serious nod, which the duo-male party tried not to acknowledge as defeat. The girl wrapped her arms tightly around herself to keep her attire down as best as she could, Syaoran standing right beside her, glancing around at the sudden swirls of colors that circled around them. They were lifting, the loud sucking noise of Mokona's vacuum transportation, which made it tragically hard to hear Sakura's faint, remorseful whisper to herself of _"...And I think...I could have loved him..."_ The slightest, uncertain doubt lodged somewhere in her heart, kept her from speaking it loudly--from speaking to him. Her glossy, green eyes looked to him as Yuuko's did, but it was too late---After that, everything went black.

And so, here is where our story takes us. The country of Clow, forever in the good hands of it's royalty, the people of the village still keeping harmony among each other, and the many undiscovered mysteries of the ruins he had once helped evacuate, still undug. Yes, this was a country that held his precious, dearest memories. His Father, his experiences; the good and bad... And then, there was Princess Sakura. The heart-filled child who greeted him with open arms, who provided a birthday, a home, a hand... The only girl who had shared a bonding love.

Syaoran was already hunched over the now muddy hill, crying his eyes out, letting heaven's tears and his own mix and fall into the soil. "..S-Sa...kura..." Rising to a wobbling stand, he managed to lift his head and took one last look at that country. The country that was once everything to him, and would now have to be nothing, if he were to go on. All the tears and misery the boy had never allowed himself to show in front of the people who meant the most to him, had been released. His brown hair clung fittingly to his face, eyes dimmed and already long gone for view. Steadying his breathing, he tried to tell himself it was all over now, that there was nothing to worry about. Finding it hard to look at any place in particular, he looked down at the mud, which was sucking in his shoes. He couldn't feel the rain, anymore.

_'... Goodbye.'_

Holding the weight of his soaked body, he glanced up to the sky, and yelled back when he heard the oncoming thunder. With both fists clenched at his sides, he yelled again, until a small purple slit divided the sky above him. It widened, small charges of electricity sparking around the edges. As if staring straight into the eye of fate, his face tightened, feet bruising the ground as he braced himself. Both eyes shut with what was to come, and his form started to pull upward.

The dimension witch was coming to complete his final wish. _'..Yuuko-sama...'_

Eventually, the hole opened to its final expansion, hazel eyes coming to view towards the grand palace, one final time. Syaoran knew he would never return, that he was going off to another world, another different dimension. _'..My heart...hurts...' _But, just as he was disappearing into the unknown, he came across the vision of a pretty young girl standing over the balcony. She was dressed fit for a Princess, and though her name slipped his memory...

_'What's...her name...?'_

He knew he could have loved her.


End file.
